Last month I experienced the greatest suffering I have ever felt. The most heart-wrenching pain I could imagine. My young, energetic, spunky, righteous, valiant, and beautiful sister Vanessa died on August 30, 2011. The moment we found out, my life and the lives of my family just stopped.

She was serving a faithful 18 month mission for our church - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints-and had been doing so for the past 13 months. We were only 5 short months away from seeing our sweet Vanessa again. Then in a flash everything changed. She and her companion were involved in a car crash and Vanessa's injuries were so severe...she passed away shortly after arriving at the hospital.

Now, with her gone from us it feels like their will always be a giant void. My heart aches to see her, hug her, and tell her that I am sorry for not being a better sister and friend. My soul yearns for one last goodbye, one last joyous laugh, and one more bag of chips shared. Though I know that Vanessa is safe, doing Heavenly Father's work, and maybe even happy; I still miss her terribly and long for her to be back here with us.

However, despite the pain, I feel even more committed to being my best self. Even more dedicated to my family and strengthening each of those relationships. And I desire to do those things that I knew to be right and live my life worthily so that I can one day live with Vanessa again.

I love you, Nessa!